Discipline my child

My dreaded moments have arrived... Or should I say that it's confirmed that I lack of parenting skill?

Leia has been throwing tantrums quite often lately whenever she didn't get things done her way. It's especially embarrassing when she does it in the public. As much as we both tried very hard to reason with her and gently tell her "no" to avoid unsafe situations, she would just "flipped" and engaged into actions that at times may hurt herself. Things that she would do would include crying till we pick her up, pushing herself backward with all her might, raising both legs into the air and then bringing them down hard, throwing whatever items held in her hand...

Again, I feel panicky! Oh dear... what can I do better to discipline her? A couple who came to visit us last weekend gave us some advise - It is the time now to consider using "the rod" to discipline her. They have always been our role model for good parenting. They have raised 2 obedient, polite and well-mannered children and deep in my heart, I really hope I can be one as well.

We have never used the rod. The most we have done is to beat her hand and bottom with our hands. So, obviously the current method doesn't work. This sense of desperation lead me to read up more about the right method to disciplining Leia. But what is discipline to begin with? According to Dr Sears, discipline is based on building the right relationship with a child more than using the right techniques. Discipline is mostly what you do to encourage good behaviour. Certainly not reacting to bad behaviour as some parents would equate discipline with.

After reading this article about "DEVELOPMENTAL REASONS WHY TODDLERS CAN BE DIFFICULT TO DISCIPLINE", I begin to see Leia's temper tantrums in different light. I now understand that the drive that babies have to develop, is the same one that creates discipline challenges. For example, along with learning how to pick up things, a one-year-old toddler develops hand skills to manipulate what she gets. Doors are to be opened, knobs turned, drawers pulled, dangling cords yanked, and waste cans emptied. Everything within walking and grabbing distance is fair game, or so she figures. To the inquisitive adventurer like Leia, the whole house is an unexplored continent, and she intends to leave no stone unturned.

So, what are the discipline principles that I need to use to help Leia to have "good" behaviours? I trust the most important one is to understand and know her. Know her needs and capabilities at various ages. My discipline techniques should be different at each stage because Leia's needs change. A temper tantrum in a one-year-old calls for a different response than it does in an eight-year-old.

So, say no more to reacting to bad behaviours but start instilling good ones. Looks like I won't be able to doze off so easily tonight.... Lots of reflection going through my head now!